Luke is 13!

It is so hard to believe I have a teenager..... 13 years old. He is such a good kid, he believes and lives for God, he is smart, good looking, funny... oh my goodness he is funny. And he is everything I ever dreamed he would be. I remember when I was pregnant with him, we decided not to find out what we were having and I just really wanted a boy. When I was a little girl I always wished I had an older brother to look out for me, I was the oldest, and so my first child had to be a boy. I wanted him to be big and strong and athletic and good looking and a good boy, someone who didn't tease and make fun of other people and was still respected. I wanted him to be well liked by everyone because he was kind and smart and strong. He is all of that and even more, he is so in tune with his spirituality. I didn't really think about that part of it when I was dreaming about who he would be as he grew up, but I couldn't be more pleased with this. He prays at school at lunch time, he will take an F on a test on the Islamic religion because it isn't right that he has to learn that in school but he can't learn about about God at school (we have had a talk about the power of knowledge and grades since then, by the way). He goes to church and participates as an acolyte, goes to confirmation every Sunday night, will spend a Saturday with 500 other teenagers learning about abstinence. He is a good boy and I couldn't be more proud of him....

Happy 13th Birthday Luke, you are my dream first child and so much more than I ever dreamt you would be.

More thoughts about Karon

Well, Valentine's came and went, but not without a thought about my sister. She died 21 years ago this Valentine's day and while I didn't go through the day reliving that horrible day, I thought of her.... between feverish naps and rib aching coughing fits. My dad came to visit this year. He retired about a month ago and it was nice having him here. Very relaxing and he didn't once say, I hope I don't get sick now... he didn't leave early like he might have a year ago. He went out to Costco with Josh to pick up a few things and brought me back a dozen roses. What a dad!

Anyway, memories of Karon are always with me, little slips of the tongue when I accidently call Courtney...Karon, shed tears when I think of all the things we missed together. But this year, I am feeling thankful that I had her in my life at all. She has been gone so long, she may as well not have been part of my life, but that is not how I am feeling. Better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. Thank you God, for giving me my sister, even for just 16 years. Some day I will hold her in my arms and cry with her for all we missed and all we will still have together in heaven.

Gender orientation ???

This was another topic that was at this seminar that Luke and I went to last weekend. Not a topic that either of us wanted to go to, but during the time slot this session was offered nothing else was offered for the kids so my guess was... they must have something interesting to share. So I decided to go to the adult session on this topic.

I always felt that homosexuality could not be nature, God says it is not right, how could it possibly be something that is "wired". I have not done a lot of homework on this topic so I don't really have anything to offer, but I just have always felt this way. So the speaker on this topic was a counselor of gay men. Their practice is based on christianity and the men who come to him want to change. According to his practice, this is how it happens...

Attachment Trauma. Between the ages of 1-2 y/o a boy is not allowed to explore his boyness. Mom is overprotective and careful and does not allow him to be rambunctious. She may be overpowering and controlling.

Gender identity shame. Between the ages of 3-6 y/o a boy usually expresses shared interests with dad. Boys like excitement and fear and adventure and because he was held back from this during the ages of 1-2 he doesn't have these interests with dad. Dad lets it go and there is no male bonding. Also dad is usually critical and unkind to his son.

Defense Detachment. Between the ages of 6-12 boys and girls usually don't like to intermingle, boys (or girls) have cooties. They share very little in common. Boy finds he has more in common with girls and hangs out with girls.

Now this is all in a nutshell, I could be getting some wording off a little. But the above is considered pre gender type homosexuality. There is also post gender type where everything goes according to God's plan up until the age of 6ish where there is a trauma, such as abuse, which causes the feelings of homosexuality. These men are usually the more male personality of a relationship and the pre gender type are the femanine personality.

This speaker gave all kinds of statistics based on men who want to change to heterosexuality and I didn't write all of them down, but according to him it does work. It is a lot of work, maybe over the course of 5 years... but it does work.

I found all of this so interesting and kept thinking wow, mom's need to know this before they have kids. I say this very light heartedly. Anyway, I found it all very interesting and it seems like a good explanation to support homosexuality as being nurture and not nature.

Anyway, you can find Joseph Nicolosi on youtube. He wasn't our speaker, but he is the leader of this clinic, if you find this as something you might want to look in to more.

Kind of intense topic for kids, huh? EEK. It was for us adults too.

Pam Stenzel - have you heard her speak?

Wow you guys, wow-wow-wow. I really can't say much more. If you ever have the opportunity to hear her speak you need to take advantage of it. She speaks to teens and preteens about abstinence and I have to tell you... WOW. The kids were a little ... YIKES... over her because she speaks loud and frank and directly to the point. DO NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED. Abortion, adoption, raising the child, STDs, emotions, peer pressure... no ifs, ands or buts about it ... God did not ... no way, no how... God did not intend for sex to happen outside of marriage. You can look on youtube, there are a few of her lectures. But these were hard things for the kids to hear and exactly what parents want them to hear. She shared ideas about how to help your child achieve the goal of abstinence until marriage. She gave the example of saying...

Don't have sex, but if you do... use a condom.

Being like...

Don't steal, but if the peer pressure is just too much and you have to steal,
let me show you how to do it so you don't get caught.

Luke and I went to a Lutheran church-run abstinence program yesterday. This was our second year going at it was from 9:30 am - 9:30 pm, there were 500 people in attendance and 4-5 different speakers on different topics. I would like to share them in detail but it will be so much so I will do them a couple of days apart so you can read and not get lost by the length of my entry.

Look for topics on teen hormones, gender orientation, how to talk to your kids about sex and about our experience overall at this seminar. And if you have the opportunity to see Pam Stenzel she will change your world. God found the perfect person to get his message out. I really hope she is there next year because John needs to hear her. I tried to talk to him about it today and he can't buy in to it, it is so frustrating for me because we have our almost 13 y/o son sitting on the couch talking ot us, saying he wants to commit to being abstinent until marriage and his dad saying it is so not realistic. I am so angry with him right now. If this is a goal for Luke then as his parents we need to try our hardest to help him reach that goal. Pam suggested not letting your child date until he's 16 and then when he's 16, only group dates until high school graduation. Then he only has about 4-5 years (on average) before he gets married to work on this goal of virginity until marriage, instead of 8-10 years.

Did you know that there are 30 THIRTY.... THIRTY sexually transmitted diseases that our kids can catch? I can't remember the exact # of those that have no cure... NO CURE. A large number of women are sterile today because 15 years ago they were having sex and not getting their STDs treated and have left them sterile.

Our kids are kids, they are kids... they should not be having sex, they are too young to have to deal with the consequences of choosing between life and choice and then to have to choose to raise their baby or put it up for adoption. She told the boys that if they have sex, get a girl pregnant and she wants to have an abortion, he has NO SAY in it and if she wants to keep it, by california law he is responsible to pay child support, it is the law now that the father be listed on the birth certificate and his wages will be garnished and he has NO SAY.



Pam Stenzel will be in my prayers in her travels as she tries to reach kids all over the world... that Virginity is Cool! She is amazing. Pam is not a touchy-feely, lovey-dovey speaker. But she can certainly get her point across. I thank God for her and pray that many many people can hear her speak.

I screwed up... ???

I turned on the news the other morning to hear Obama say... "I screwed up" Honestly I am not too critical about what he made a mistake of, but I was shocked to hear those particular words come out of a President's mouth. No the admission of the mistake, but the words themselves. I really am so disappointed. I am still working on the judging thing so I am trying not to be judgmental, but I really feel that our president should be more ... presidential. That particular word is not allowed in our home, it is such an ugly word. It just has not set well with me all week. :(

John's birthday is tomorrow...

and he asked for his mom to make him dinner. That hurt. I realize I am not the greatest cook and that it is his birthday and he should get what he wants. But... that hurt. Now we aren't really talking but not fighting either and it is his birthday tomorrow. How am I supposed to put it all away and help him have a nice birthday?

Everything is okay

What a difference a day makes. I am not sure why I was so full of emotion the last 24 hours. The boys went to school and it was not near as bad as they feared. Luke always can hold his own, but I cried all day (off and on, whenever I thought about Josh). I even called my dad and cried on his shoulder, what a nice experience. I think I am liking his retirement. :) Josh was fast asleep before 9:00 tonight, I am so thankful for exhaustion. He had a great afternoon and evening, and was able to fall asleep so peacefully. When we got home from school I went up to him and gave him the biggest hug and said I am so glad you had a good day and he said, mom, your prayers worked. I have to admit, I wasn't sure they were going to be answered because I prayed so specifically for what I wanted and not just for God's will. But tonight I am so thankful that Josh recognized an answered prayer. I am a very thankful mom tonight.

I am completely drained

Well today did not go so well. We had this plan for a super bowl party, nothing big, but for the kids it was...for 2 reasons. First, they each got to invite friends over to watch the game and second, our team was going to the super bowl. The Arizona Cardinals, who probably never should have made it past the first round of the play offs, according to sports announcers. We let them all (Courtney too) wear Arizona Cardinals jersey's to church, which we would normally never let them do. So it started out, Josh's best friend was 15 minutes late, when he showed up his dad said that the family was over celebrating his birthday could Josh go back with them and have cake and they will bring the boys back here by half time. Josh thought... okay that is fine. So, fast forward to the end. The Cardinals DIDN'T win and Josh didn't get home until after the game was over. He was completely crushed, cried.... literally cried for hours... that his team didn't win and that he didn't get to be at our super bowl party. AND according to him "the kids at school are brutal, they are all rootin for the Steelers". Both he and Luke were crushed and are completely dreading school tomorrow. Can I just let them stay home? Oh my goodness, my heart is completely broken for them, especially Josh. Luke is strong enough to handle the kids, but Josh is still pretty timid and I just want to protect him. I want to let him stay home, or I want to call his teacher and tell her to watch out for him. I prayed and begged God to help the other kids be... not so mean, I prayed that He help Josh be strong tomorrrow, something to help the day not be so bad. That tomorrow morning he wakes up and doesn't remember that "today was the worst day of his life" (those are his words). So he's been in bed an hour now and I am still crying for him.