I said something that really surprised me tonight. I told John that I hate my job. I didn't plan on saying it, I thought I actually liked it. For almost 13 years this job has allowed me to be at home with my kids, be around when they get home from school, be at their school when my schedule allowed. I have always said Medical Transcription is the road to take for SAHMs. I have been trying to adjust to my new work schedule for months, since the kids went back to school. Sometimes it takes me a month or 6 weeks, but it has been almost 4 months, I should be used to it by now. There have been some changes at work that are going to make it difficult for me to make what I was making so that has me down.

Before I had kids I never suspected I would be a SAHM, I always thought my kids would be in daycare and I would work, I like working. But the minute Luke was born that all changed. I wish I knew I would want to stay home before he was born so I/we could have prepared differently.

Now I am stuck in a job making very little money and needing every penny of it. I work 39 hours a week and still take care of my home the best I can, volunteer in the kids classes once a week, keep them busy in after school activities, help at church. I am just exhausted. I have been considering letting my position go at the church on the youth action team and I am not hearing anything from God that says, no don't. I am not making any rash decisions. But I am trying to simplify my life. I just need to pray about my life because I don't feel like God could possibly be happy seeing me the way I am right now... I certainly am not doing his good works this way, at least to my full potential. I know prayer is the key and that is where I will start.