I screwed up... ???

I turned on the news the other morning to hear Obama say... "I screwed up" Honestly I am not too critical about what he made a mistake of, but I was shocked to hear those particular words come out of a President's mouth. No the admission of the mistake, but the words themselves. I really am so disappointed. I am still working on the judging thing so I am trying not to be judgmental, but I really feel that our president should be more ... presidential. That particular word is not allowed in our home, it is such an ugly word. It just has not set well with me all week. :(

John's birthday is tomorrow...

and he asked for his mom to make him dinner. That hurt. I realize I am not the greatest cook and that it is his birthday and he should get what he wants. But... that hurt. Now we aren't really talking but not fighting either and it is his birthday tomorrow. How am I supposed to put it all away and help him have a nice birthday?

Everything is okay

What a difference a day makes. I am not sure why I was so full of emotion the last 24 hours. The boys went to school and it was not near as bad as they feared. Luke always can hold his own, but I cried all day (off and on, whenever I thought about Josh). I even called my dad and cried on his shoulder, what a nice experience. I think I am liking his retirement. :) Josh was fast asleep before 9:00 tonight, I am so thankful for exhaustion. He had a great afternoon and evening, and was able to fall asleep so peacefully. When we got home from school I went up to him and gave him the biggest hug and said I am so glad you had a good day and he said, mom, your prayers worked. I have to admit, I wasn't sure they were going to be answered because I prayed so specifically for what I wanted and not just for God's will. But tonight I am so thankful that Josh recognized an answered prayer. I am a very thankful mom tonight.

I am completely drained

Well today did not go so well. We had this plan for a super bowl party, nothing big, but for the kids it was...for 2 reasons. First, they each got to invite friends over to watch the game and second, our team was going to the super bowl. The Arizona Cardinals, who probably never should have made it past the first round of the play offs, according to sports announcers. We let them all (Courtney too) wear Arizona Cardinals jersey's to church, which we would normally never let them do. So it started out, Josh's best friend was 15 minutes late, when he showed up his dad said that the family was over celebrating his birthday could Josh go back with them and have cake and they will bring the boys back here by half time. Josh thought... okay that is fine. So, fast forward to the end. The Cardinals DIDN'T win and Josh didn't get home until after the game was over. He was completely crushed, cried.... literally cried for hours... that his team didn't win and that he didn't get to be at our super bowl party. AND according to him "the kids at school are brutal, they are all rootin for the Steelers". Both he and Luke were crushed and are completely dreading school tomorrow. Can I just let them stay home? Oh my goodness, my heart is completely broken for them, especially Josh. Luke is strong enough to handle the kids, but Josh is still pretty timid and I just want to protect him. I want to let him stay home, or I want to call his teacher and tell her to watch out for him. I prayed and begged God to help the other kids be... not so mean, I prayed that He help Josh be strong tomorrrow, something to help the day not be so bad. That tomorrow morning he wakes up and doesn't remember that "today was the worst day of his life" (those are his words). So he's been in bed an hour now and I am still crying for him.

Remembering Karon

My sister would have been 37 today. We were less than 14 months apart and she was 11 months older than my brother and we did not have enough time with her. She died when I was 17 and she had just turned 16. I don't know why God took her so young, but I have given up wondering. I certainly don't think anything good has come from it, I haven't seen anything that might tell me she saved someone else or anything like that. But I am okay to wait until my day in Heaven to find out.

I still cry and feel her absence regularly, I have pictures of her around my house. My kids know her even though they were far from being born. They know she played soccer and was really good, was well liked by many different kids....jocks, curbies, stoners, nerds. They know her funeral was gigantic, with 100 +/- cars (according to the police officers) and around 300 people. They have visited her grave with my mom and I. They watched us polish her head stone and trim the grass around it and then asked if they could polish some head stones of people who looked like they didn't have any visitors anymore. They know there is a head stone near hers that reads "Just another crummy day", it made us laugh when we saw it on the day of her funeral. They know she overdosed on her ADD medication, they know she experimented with illegal drugs. They know she was loved by me more than I can ever express to them, they know I miss her terribly.

Happy 37th Birthday sis. I wish I could have you in my life, in my family's life, I wish you had a family I could be an auntie and a sister-in-law to. I would have been a good one, I swear I would have. I miss you Karon, I miss you so much.

Well maybe I spoke too soon...

Now I know why I didn't vote for our President. After 3 days in office he has already reminded me why I didn't vote for him... The honeymoon, so to speak, is definitely over. First he orders the closure of Guantanamo Bay and now, according to USA Today, he is planning to reverse the band on federally supported abortions (more or less). This week has been a huge disappointment for me politically.

Finding myself surprised... in me.

I have been completely drawn, almost glued to the TV since yesterday morning. I did not vote for our new president and have some real concerns. But the inaugeration was really great to watch, to see the country all come together in this show of support that we haven't had, to see the previous presidents and first ladies, their families, the outfits, the smiles. And I was even happy to see the human side of this man.

One of my concerns about this president is that the people who supported him seemed to see him as a savior... that he will solve all of our problems and won't make any mistakes. So in this, it makes me wonder if all of these people really believe he is perfect and if they do they must not understand that only God is perfect. I was so disappointed to see that Obama and his wife did not mouth the Lord's Prayer with Rick Warren in the opening prayer yesterday, it made me wonder if he will seek the path that God has for him and our Country. And it scared me to think that maybe he wouldn't.

Anyway, so back to him being human... he stumbled over his oath yesterday and it warmed my heart... not sour grapes warmed my heart, but made me see him in a different light. And this morning in a press conference he made his speech and then said something like, okay now what do I do? Do I sit? And Joe Biden asked, do I just stand here? And can I have the paper to read the oath? And then the president said he wanted to shake his senior staffs' hands and started to make his way down and then decided, no that isn't a good idea you come to me, it will be easier. It was just so... un-planned out, not rehearsed, not planned. It was so nice to see the smiles and laughter about the learning curve, the human-ness of him and I am finding him likeable. I still have my concerns about his agenda, but at least now I feel like I can stomach to look at him and listen to him and be hopeful in a better future for America. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that after the election I said to myself that I will trust God's plan for our future and maybe things will be better and if not, that I know God will be there for us all. I will watch President Obama hopefully, try not to be judgmental of him personally and pray for him and the decisions he has to make, that they will be in line with the plans God has for us all.